Just Sleep
by after.a.hard.day
Summary: Her fingers were warm, pressing into his skull and things faded and he just didn’t care, because he was too busy with other things that couldn’t be named. “Just… sleep Sasuke.” .SasuSaku. .Oneshot.


_Just… Sleep._

_--_

_Disclaim ownership of source._

a/n: yeah, out of character and screwed up, I know, I _know_, but it wouldn't leave me the hell alone and _andandand_, and well there are too many reasons, mainly I felt poetic and everything hurts and life is screwed up.

Yes, I will write the next chapters of _Shadowplay _and _HardwireSoftwireLivewire _soon, but this is first kay? I need to write something… kinda soft and accepting, cause I need to alright? Now read and shut the hell up.

P.o.n: AU sorta, Itachi just died, Sasuke killed him. Sakura appears without Naruto or Kakashi… yeah…

--

_Cause times that I was broke,_

_You stood strong,_

_Think I found a place,_

_Where I feel I belong. _

_Sleep, don't Weep - Damien Rice_

_--_

_And through it all,_

_I'm good to cry,_

_For me, (cause I don't feel bad about it)_

_So shut your eyes,_

_Kiss me goodbye, _

_And sleep. Just sleep._

_The hardest part is letting go of_

_Your dreams. _

_Sleep - My Chemical Romance._

--

He kneeled next to his brothers dead body, the flat eyes stared up at the sky with a relaxed smile on frozen lips. It was the most emotion Sasuke had ever seen his brother display, it was fitting that it should be now, when he was even alive to feel it.

Sasuke sobbed, dry, with no tears, just a need to feel something and the cry burnt hard enough to fulfil his wish.

This wasn't supposed to feel like this was it? He was supposed to feel… something else, not happiness, but it wasn't, _he _wasn't supposed feel so damnably _empty_.

A hand was on his shoulder, soft but slightly calloused. "It's time to go Sasuke, they'll be coming soon."

He knew that voice, he knew it too well, it stayed haunting him in the years away. As it was now it had changed, but it was still the same. He turned sharply, grabbing the owner of the voice, green eyes under him and he sobbed again.

"Tell me, just tell me."

"What? I'll tell you, Sasuke, if you tell me."

"_Tell me what I am supposed to feel_."

"… I don't know…" it was whispered and he felt his will break, he leaned heavily against soft skin, another sob without tears shaking him, because she always knew, and if she didn't, what was he going to do now?

"What do you feel, maybe then I can…" he whispered.

"I feel… a thing without words, and that I'll never let you go." he loosened his hands around those tiny wrists and they moved to embrace him, held tight in those soft arms.

Then he was kissing sweet lips, because it couldn't be _named_, it couldn't be _said_, it couldn't be anything but _felt_. So he felt as much as he could through those lips, looked hard into those greens eyes and until he felt something so profound that he couldn't stop and he explored every feeling that he had of her, that his brother would no longer. He murmured into those lips, murmured things that didn't make sense. Because _nothing did._

There was a high moan and he pulled away.

He looked down, and he saw truly, what was before him. She was before him, pink, green and impossibly soft pale skin. _Sakura_. He breathed her in, refusing to let her go, because she was _his_ she would always be _his_ because she made him feel and he didn't want to let it go.

And now he cried, because all gods above he had never wept _enough_, and it was okay, because she was there to catch them all, the gods when they fell and the tears that followed, they hit her skin and absorbed and she felt everything he could not. He went back to her lips, tasted everything through her. So perfect and so perfectly beyond him.

Eventually he stopped and just lay against her.

She sat up, his head in her lap, running fingers into his hair. "Sasuke…" she murmured and he sighed in reply.

"… not yet… please not yet…"

She sighed now, rubbing the back of his head, and he wasn't sure how it happened, but her fingers were warm, pressing into his skull and things faded and he just didn't care, because he was too _busy _with other things that couldn't be named.

"Just… sleep Sasuke."

And so he did.

--

When he woke, he saw white above his head. White everywhere, which didn't make sense because when he slept there was pink and pale skin and the red of his brothers blood. He couldn't move his hands, but he knew there was no more red stickiness on them.

"Sasuke…" it was coming from somewhere to his right and he turned.

That was better.

There was too much white but now there was pink and pale skin against it, it wasn't so bad. Pink and white went well together.

"If you feel a little dizzy, its just the drugs, they're to make you sleep."

"…how long?"

"A week, not surprising, when I healed you, you had a punctured long that had been there before the fight and an multiple infections spreading from various wounds."

He would of nodded if he had the energy, instead he blinked, comparing the black and silhouettes behind his eyes to her.

"You must be so tired Sasuke." That warm hand was against his brow, and he felt like a child to her mother tendencies all over again. "Poor Sasuke."

How long since he had been back? Fourteen years?

"Its alright, kay? Just sleep."

He nodded, dozing off, it was probably the only command he would take in his life, only from her, only if there was pink and pale skin and warm hands and that soft voice that was a mother to his hopelessness.

--

The next time he opened his eyes, he panicked because there was no pink, instead yellow and orange and blue.

"Teme!" was the excited cry.

He groaned. Definitely not what he needed. Where were those warm hands to send him back to blackness again?

"You better get well soon, Teme, because you've got your trial."

"My trial?" he found his voice, damaged, somewhere at the back of his throat.

"You'd think they'd let you get off free for what you did?"

"…No."

"Exactly. But Baa-chan said they wouldn't let you be executed like she wanted, instead you'll probably get a really humiliating smack on the wrist. Knowing you, _you'd_ probably prefer execution, ne?"

"Naruto! What are you doing here?!"

Ah, that was better, pink was back. Pink would get rid of orange.

"Awwww, Sakura-_chan_."

"No, out! I have to go home soon! I can't do that with you two in the same room! Sasuke needs his rest, for kami's sake! He has been in and out of it for two weeks!"

"Fine, I'm going, telling Suki hi for me."

"She'll be overjoyed, now _shoo_."

The Orange went out the window and Sasuke looked back to Pink.

"Suki?"

"Yeah… I'll tell you about that later, just go back to sleep, Naruto wasn't supposed to be back from his mission for a couple more days, and you still need to sleep, that damned lung is fragile at best, you move too much and I'll have to fix it up again."

But he knew Sakura, he knew the pink, she was stalling and hiding about something, but the warm hands were back and that was that.

--

The next time he woke, he didn't feel so tired and he actually managed to move his head up when she entered the room.

"Oh good, you are moving. As you should be, the final part of your healing was yesterday… and look I brought you a visitor. This is Suki."

Sasuke's heart stopped somewhere back in regret the moment he saw black eyes and pink hair peep out behind her legs.

"Sasuke, this is Suki Haruno, Suki, this is Sasuke Uchiha."

There was a tiny little giggle, so small, if he had blinked, the air current from the action would have diverted the sound, but he heard it because it was so like _hers_.

"… _Uchiha_…"

Sasuke looked up to Sakura who frowned at her daughter and he remembered the way she had done it so many times before and the way she did it now was the same way she did it for him, with too much love to be serious.

"Fans are so _girly_."

He frowned. "Are not."

The little girl bit her lip and hid back behind her mothers legs.

Sakura tched and stepped away, the small child pouted. _So much like her mother. _

"I have to go get Sasuke-kun some water. You apologise to him, and don't repeat what Uncle Naruto said, alright?"

She went out of the room, and the little girl stared up.

"You are Sakura's daughter?" he stared, this was wrong and horrible.

A nod.

"And your father?"

"He went away. Before I was born, that's what Mum said."

"So that's why…" Pink was still pink… just with a bit more _pink_.

"Are you ninja?"

"… I may be."

"May be? How can you not know? Mum said it is a absolute, there is no in between. You can't choose. But that doesn't make sense, cause I am a little bit of both."

"Little bit of both?"

"Yep. Mummy was a ninja and… I don't know Daddy, but he wasn't around, but he wasn't ninja."

"Are you sorry?"

Her brow furrowed. Little pink was so much like elder pink that it confused him if he was talking to the younger version of the mother in some sort of time warp jutsu. "For what?"

"For saying that about my clan?"

"I still think its girly, but if you are upset, I wont tell anyone."

This child had definitely been hanging around Naruto too much.

"You shouldn't insult people like that, I'm sure Sakura wouldn't like it."

The girl pouted. "Please don't tell her, she'll get so mad, she doesn't like me being not polite."

"Only if you say sorry and mean it."

"_I'm sorry_."

He looked up, and there elder Pink stood, eyes wide with tears as she set down his drink of water with his pills.

"_I'm so sorry Sasuke_." She stepped forward, picking up her little girl into her arms, crying so softly into her hair, Suki clung back, telling her mother that she was going to say sorry to Sasuke.

She met her green with his blueblack and then he understood.

_She should have been yours_.

--

The next year progressed very slowly, it inched by, but Sasuke mainly blamed this on the D-rank missions, Naruto still laughed at the fact that Sasuke, a full grown man of twenty-six had to do them. Sasuke brushed it off, he knew it was only fair.

He barely saw Sakura, more often he saw Suki, who stayed with various friends and family as her mother was not available. She turned seven and Sasuke still had no idea who her father was.

--

The next time he saw pink, green and pale skin again, it was at Naruto's wedding. Suki was at her mothers gown, pulling at the blue material with obvious detachment as all her attention was on the cake ahead.

The blue on her sickened him no end, because blue was attached to Orange and she was _pink_ and if you were going to attach a colour to it, it should be _red_, or _black_. Like her daughters eyes.

She made polite conversation with him as they watched Hinata greet guests and her new husband eye food. Suki ran out of her grasp toward another child with black hair and silent bored dispassion that spelled out the word 'troublesome' as a reply for everything.

Sakura let a single tear fall down her face, Sasuke stared it, wanting to trap and kill it in a hundred ways because _she wasn't aloud to cry_.

"She's dieing, she has another year at most."

Sasuke looked at the little girl with pink hair and black eyes that he barely knew. The extra pink to the pink.

--

When she did die, Sakura piled a wreath upon the coffin that was too small to be _right_ in anyway. She didn't cry, no body did. It was the smallest of candle lights in the dark night of existence. It seemed such a waste. But some how so much brighter.

The grave was encrypted with the words "I loved her too much."

--

Sakura sat down in front of him in the training field. A bizarre look on her face.

"Sasuke, I'm pregnant."

He kissed her hard then. With all the desperation that he had when she had found him that day and told him what to feel.

But she didn't respond as he had expected and then he remembered what and why and hated himself for being so stupid and uncaring to a woman that loved too much and was able to give the one order he would listen too.

When she began to cry, still kissing him, he felt it was time to return the favour, he picked her up, took her home kissing her brow, her temple, her nose, whatever he could reach. Pressed his hand to her brow and pushed back her hair, kissing her then again so softly and carefully, because she had never cried, not enough for someone like her, he knew that she was just as he had been then, because she didn't know what to feel at all.

"Sakura, just… sleep."

--

End

--

If you ever have someone important, hold on to them? Hold them so freaking tight, and if they leave, don't hate them for destroying you, because when they try to pick up the pieces, you just can't let them, even if you know they will help, because _god fucking damn it the shards hurtcutburntscorchedbled too much last time_.

I'm sorry this is so angsty, but I can't help it and I haven't written some solid angst in awhile. And everyone is OOC and everything else, but IDONTCARE.

This started off as just one scene (the first one) and then it kept going and I forgot what I was doing and then I found it again and now here you are, at 1:23am Australian time, the productive of complete opposite musicality (soft ballad and metal rock) and the fact I want someone to hold onto when I cry. Alright?

Done?

Done.

--

After.a.hard.day


End file.
